It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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