Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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