Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
