none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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