My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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