can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
