And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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