I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
