remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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