Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize