Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
