I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
