dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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