Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
