soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
two words: eviction party
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
