Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
