i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
