I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
