Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
