My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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