Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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