I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
