i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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