six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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