i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
