I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
