just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
