He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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