We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
