We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
