"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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