I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
