So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
