Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
