so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
