All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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