We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize