On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
