I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
