maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
