It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I just put wine in my tea
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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