Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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