i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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