Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
