Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
