I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
