Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
