her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
