i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
