So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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