Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
