Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
one might say we're banned from that church
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
