omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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