If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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