My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
