there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
