his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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