Fine. I'll sleep in my office
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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