Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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