Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
