Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
