I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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