Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
