Well apparently he's into motor boating.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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