yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
