I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
