East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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