Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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