Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
