Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
