k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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